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Guest Poem – Toolbox by Angela van Son

shoes

illustration by Lisa Cole

Toolbox

If I had a hammer
I’d hammer your skull in the morning
I’d hammer your toes in the evening
All over your shoes

If I had a drill
I’d drill your eyes in the morning
I’d drill your ears in the evening
Blood all over your shoes

If I had a wrench
I’d wring you neck in the morning
I’d wrap myself around your middle in the evenings
Lick your shoes at night

If I had pliers
I’d pull your nails in the morning
Put them back in the evening
Say sorry at night

If I had a screwdriver
I’d screw you in the morning
I’d screw me in the evening
There’s a screw loose each night

Reposted with permission from Angela van Son

You can see more of her words at  http://unassortedstories.wordpress.com

Guest Poem – Request by Angela van Son

torn out heart“May I?”

He took her hand
and gently put her fingers
on his heart
flexing her phalanges
in such a way
that her long nails
tore his flesh
He made her rip
and tear
his heart out
lay it on the ground
and stomp her feet on it.

“Yes you may.”

Reposted with permission from Angela van Son

You can see more of her words at  http://unassortedstories.wordpress.com

The perfect notebook for plotting world domination

evil plots and schemes steampunk notebook

We all know how it is, our evil genius friends and relatives are impossible to find presents for. They have all the bunsen burners they could possibly desire and you gave them socks last year.

This is the solution. A handy A6 hardbacked notebook with loads of lovely blank pages for drawing diagrams or writing lists on. A6 is a quarter of normal bit of photocopier paper so these notebooks fit nicely into bags or larger pockets.

The front cover features an iconoclastic Rag Baby composite design of cogs, a torso, a lady in a corset, mechanical legs, a very judgemental looking man on a bike and a cat, with it’s innards on display.

The paper inside is a good weight that would take ink pens, felt tips and probably blood though for safety and legal reasons I cannot recommend that. Not after what happened last time.

http://folksy.com/items/4187346-Evil-Plots-and-Schemes-Thick-A6-Steampunk-Notebook-or-Sketch-book-Blank-Pages

Teeth are lengthening, time is running out to get Anti Valentines Day Cards.

Time is running out. Teeth lengthen. Get them while you can. Last day for me to drag my sorry arse to the post office is the 12th February and I have to be there by noon or the horses will leave with the carriage.

There are 3 ways to shop:

Directly from Rag Baby  where postage is free.

At the Rag Baby Folksy Shop

From Rag Baby at Etsy

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Alternative Mothers Day Card – Thanks for all my issues.

alternative mothers day card

Yes mum, I still live with you and your 12 cats because I can’t hold down a decent relationship or a proper job. I don’t know where my weight problem/fear of strangers/aversion to peas/addiction to the selling channel came from, pass me that copy of Chat and another value Jammy Dodger, I love you too.

Probably a little bit edgy for Folksy or Etsy so only on sale directly from Rag Baby.
5 1/2 inch square deep black high quality card with bright pink envelopes.
The inside of the card has a paler pink heart to write on, or rip out if you feel so inclined.

Just a tiny little £3.50 with FREE postage and this could be yours!

Just click on the tempting little ‘buy me now’ button and it will be yours to give.

Black Bunting of Joy

black bunting

At the first hint of summer this is going into my garden to tell the neighbours what’s what and don’t mess with me mutha. Or maybe I’ll just keep in in my crying room and put on some Joy Division. Whatever.

It’s long which is always a good thing, and big which is also nice. Three and a half meters of black bunting joy. Thirteen pennants hand fashioned from the souls of bankers. For sale on Folksy.

http://folksy.com/items/4073318-Big-Black-Bunting-3-5-meters-long-

Alternative Mothers Day Card – Sorry I ripped you on the way out.

alternative mothers day card sorry I ripped you

A rather gorgeous torso is filled with cogs, a cat and a man on a bike. Perfect for Mothers Day, how she will love her little darling and cheer with delight as she opens the pretty pink envelope to see this card. Go on, you know she’s worth it. Especially if she is a Goth mum, Goth mums are the best.

Too rude for Folksy or Etsy so only on sale directly from Rag Baby.
5 1/2 inch square deep black high quality card with bright pink envelopes.
The inside of the card has a paler pink heart to write on, or rip out if you feel so inclined.

Just a tiny little £3.50 with Free postage and this could be yours!

Just click on the tempting little ‘buy me now’ button and it will be yours to give.

Rude Mothers Day Cards – Sorry I made you so fat

rude mothers day card

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://folksy.com/items/4064942-Rude-Mothers-Day-Card-Sorry-I-made-you-so-fat-Goth-Steampunk

I love you because the voices tell me to – Anti Valentines Day Card

What else do the voices tell you to do?

This Steampunk anti Valentines day card features a composite picture anatomy drawings and diagrams of machinery.
The card is of the deepest darkest black and is 5 1/2 inch square. It comes with a jolly bright pink envelope to lighten the mood, or lull the recipient into a false sense of security.
The inside of the card has a paler pink heart to write on, or tear off, if you are in that sort of mood.

Or you can buy directly from here with Paypal for £4.50 with free postage and packing